On the occasion of the opening of the new Spiderman movie and the official beginning of the summer block-buster season I have a confession to make that will surely lose me all my geek cred. I have not seen any of the Transformers movies. I havent seen any of the Iron Man movies. I didnt see Man of Steel. I didnt see the second Thor. I havent seen an X-Men movie since number III (and that one was excruciating). I could go on.
I just cant make myself be interested. Sometimes when Im flicking through Netflicks I think to myself I should probably watch Iron Man because it was a huge box office success and I need to keep myself culturally literate but I just keep flicking and usually end up watching some suspenseful drama or mind-bender or martial arts flick. While Im sure I would be marginally entertained by Iron Man to me the watching would be more like a chore something I would do because Im susposed to - because watching superhero movies is what red-blooded American males do.
I know Im going to get flack for this. I will probably be accused of un-American and communistic sympathies but Im going to say it anyway. Someone needs to. Its time for the American public with its seemingly unlimited appetite for superhero movies to come to its senses and face the facts; comic book superheroes dont really translate well to the big screen. There I said it. Sue me.
So let me get this straight. A radioactive spider bit some kid and now he can spin web climb walls and has super-human strength? Huh? I dont get it. Someone please work that out for me. Why is the consequence of getting bit by a radioactive spider not instead a really big and unsightly sore?
I know I know. I get the whole willing suspension of disbelief thingy but I find it hard to be that willing. I also know that its equally implausible that a long time ago in a galaxy far far away there existed creatures that look just like humans from Earth who just so happened to speak English but at least that is an alternative universe. With Spiderman/Superman/The Avengers etc. Im being asked to believe this is all happening right here. (On a side note why are all superheroes based in New York City or its thinly veil equivalent? Why cant we have a superhero based in Oklahoma City for example? We could call him Flyover-Country Man and he could battle Inside-the-Beltway and bi-coastal elite know-it-alls. If anybody uses that I expect my cut!)
As a big fan of the comic book inspired series The Walking Dead I realize that I am setting myself up for an accusation of applying a double standard. I am fully aware that a zombie apocalypse isnt exactly a high probability event either but thats different. There the creator is using poetic license and suspension of disbelief to create an alternative environment for his story to take place like Tolkein created Middle-earth. In superhero movies the poetic license and suspension of disbelief apply to the central character and the arch-villain (there are no mundane villains in superhero comics you see) he is battling but its taking place supposedly right here in the real world.
I find most superhero movies to be loud and embarrasingly overwrought a series of one grossly contrived melodramtic situation after another. To get a sense of what I talking about try listening to one while not watching it such as when your kids are watching it in the car as youre driving. (I speak from experience.) The musical score and the noise - the incessant noise - give an absolutely comical impression.
Unfortunately the trend seems to be in the direction of ever more over-the-topness. Compare the Christopher Reeves Superman to the above mentioned X-Men III for example. I cant help but wonder do that many people really enjoy this stuff or do they continue to pay good money for these things out of a sense of duty and because their kids drag them to them?
Truth be told my kids will almost surely manage to drag me to Spiderman. There is something about Spiderman that makes it a much more mandatory event in my family than is Iron Man but I will rather be watching some cop drama.
Some might ask what the above rant has to do with conservatism and admittedly it really is primarily an attempt at humor but I do think there is a serious point to ponder. Superhero comics (which Im much less hostile toward) and the movies they inspire are generally written by what our friends in the manosphere would call beta males and are largely their empowerment escapist fantasies. Compare that to The Walking Dead which is a vision of how its going to go down when the SHTF metaphorically speaking. Perhaps it says something about the current state of affairs that so many teens and dads (the kids get a pass) get a kick out of passivley watching fantastic depictions of superhumans single-handeldly or in league with other superhumans setting the world aright. Frankly it doesnt inspire confidence. Come the zombie apocalypse one fears that such a society will be quickly devoured.
