While Barack Obamas recent telephone conversation with Russian president Vladimir Putin about the Crimean standoff has been widely reported the exact substance of the discussion has remained a mystery.
That is until now.
Owing to highly placed confidential sources Im pleased to report that I have become privy to some of the details of their talk. What follows are the top ten things Putin said to Obama:
- Look the Ukrainians have a country; they didnt build that. Somebody else made that happen.
- Im just fulfilling the dreams from my father.
- I cant help myself; Im a typical white person.
- For the first time in my adult lifetime Im really proud of your country.
- Yes we can.
- No you cant.
- No matter how this turns out Barry Ill R-S-P-E-C-T you in the morning.
- I promise never to threaten any of your 58 states.
- If I had a new province it would look like Ukraine.
- If you like your foreign policy you can keep your foreign policy.