I dont know about you but when I was in high school in the late 70s and early 80s I absolutely dreaded having my pictures taken--i.e. I dreaded the thought of others being able to look at those pictures.
But it wasnt just school pictures that wholly unsettled me. I didnt want anyone taking pictures of me--at any time in any place. Whenever someone did point a camera in my direction I quickly turned away or ducked behind a piece of furniture or scurried out of sight. Once I held a flower arrangement in front of my face.
The fewer pictures or video clips of me the better--as far as I was concerned.
As such it never entered my head that even a few people--let alone countless numbers of people--would want to waste their time perusing photos of me regardless of whether I was absolutely stunningly beautiful or as ugly" as that proverbial mud fence." It never entered my head back then and it especially doesnt enter it now--considering the fact that Im not only over the hill but on my way down at a fairly high rate of speed.
Dont get me wrong. Im not trying to imply that because I dont like having my picture taken Im some virtuous selfless" person who doesnt think that much about herself. Indeed I do think about myself. Often. Every day in fact. Throughout the day. Until I climb into bed and fall asleep at night.
I wear makeup when I spend time with family and friends. And Im always hoping that those who happen to see me--people I dont even know from Adam--will deem me at least attractive. Further still I hope others will think me intelligent personable and witty.
Simply put I desire now--and will continue to desire--the love and affection of as many people as possible as long as I remain on this earth. Thats human nature. And though Ive grown to detest it over the decades I wont be completely free of it until I draw my final breath.
Occasionally snapping a few photos of oneself to share with others is fine. Nothing wrong with that. What completely blows my mind however is our younger generations look at me" fascination with itself. Far too many adolescents and teenagers spend far too much time snapping oodles of photos of themselves to post on all manner of social-media websites for the sole purpose of impressing vast numbers of other people who post cutesy overblown responses to those photos.
Sadly I have to admit that a few of the post-millennials" in my family took a dive into the depths of the me-me-and-more-me" swimming hole a few years back and havent come up for air since. I believe it started when they began emulating others who were already posting their facial (and otherwise) cornucopias" online.
Very recently in fact I happened to be browsing one of those post-millennials photos--and though I really enjoyed looking at some of the photos (especially the ones that included her baby) some of the others grew old" rather quickly--namely the ones shed captured of herself fully clothed and not-so-fully clothed.
Remember when we used refer to narcissists as big-headed" and conceited" and full of themselves"? Remember when we rolled our eyes at the mention of their names? Remember not wanting to spend time with them not wanting to listen to them not wanting to watch them fawn all over themselves?
My how things have changed! Todays young people not only do not dislike the narcissism they see in each other they actually encourage it.
Here are a few cut-and-pasted examples of the responses one of my nieces received regarding one of her head shots":
Everything about this picture is f#@!g perfection." Good god 😍🔥 Hottie!!! Your face just makes anything look good! 😍👌💕" Youre too perfect Uh I f#@!n love u ur like in my top 10 fav people." Omggaahhh yaassss !! 🙌😍 u look amazing!! how!!!! let me look like you!!!" Waah. Youre so pretty . . . These are so on point bby!! Obsessed 😍"
This is what weve come to.
Despite the irritation I felt clicking on these glaring examples of self-idolization I felt more and more compelled to keep clicking til I reached the end. You know it was kind of like Ive gone this far. I might as well slog through the rest of it."
There I was. On my way to the final curtain so to speak. One click at a time. Little did I realize however I wasnt going to reach that final curtain.
Heres the conversation I had with myself in so many words as I continued to view picture after picture after picture:
She looks really good there. (Click.) But why does she always have that aloof expression on her face? She looks almost angry there. (Click click.) Why does she stand in front of the mirror in so many of them? (Click click click click click click click.) Maybe this wasnt such a good idea after all. (Click click click click click click click click click.) They just keep coming. (Click click click click click click click click click.) I really dont have time for this--do I? (Click click click.) Youve got to be joking. (Click click click.) How is this even possible? (Click click click.) This cant be happening. (Click click click.) I have to stop. (Click click click.)
Hey I know! Ill start clicking through a bunch of them all at once as fast as I can. Surely I can get to the end that way.
(Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick.) Keep going.
(Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick.) Keep going.
(Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick.) Keep going.
(Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick.) And again keep going.
(Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick.) Copy that.
(Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick.) Copy that copy.
(Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick.) Moving on.
(Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick.) Moving on some more.
(Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick.) Moving on some more some more.
(Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick.) I must be getting close.
(Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick.) Maybe not.
(Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick.) Apparently not.
(Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick.) Definitely not.
(Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick.) Oh for the love of Pete! Hang it up! (Click click.) YoulI never reach the end. (Click click click click.) It isnt possible. (Click click.) You have to stop. (Click click click.) Really. You have to stop. (Click click.) No. I mean REALLY you have to stop."
Exit photos.
As annoying as it is to witness such unabashed self-adoration I cant really blame the self-adorers themselves. No. I have to lay the blame where it belongs: on those whove thought it necessary for approximately the last 20 years to assure young people that they are remarkably bright wonderfully unique and deserve utmost respect--from their elders as well as their peers.
While I have no problem with those who try to help kids and young adults develop a reasonable amount of confidence and satisfaction in ones self" likewise a respect for ones self" I do have a problem with those who push--under the guise of boosting self-esteem--an exaggerated opinion of ones own qualities or abilities."
What has resulted from this approach is nothing more or less than a plethora of arrogant disrespectful contentious I-can-do-whatever-I-want-whenever-I-want-and-you-cant-stop-me" young adults. Sooner or later these young adults are going to have to live in the real world--a world that does not tolerate such undesirable personality traits.
Truth be told its when were challenged--not coddled and flattered--that we learn and grow the most. Nothing in my life illustrates this fact better than something that happened to me while I was pursuing my Masters degree at CSU Sacramento. I was required to take an Advanced Composition course and wouldnt you know I ended up taking it from the most difficult instructor Id ever had in my life: Dr. Miles.
There I sat on the first day of class working on the writing sample Dr. Miles had assigned all of us. When we turned in our writing samples Dr. Miles read them silently to himself right then and there.
My writing sample didnt fare so well. I felt humiliated and worthless as I stared at the red-inked D" at the top of my first page. Nevertheless I decided to bite the bullet" and discuss my shortcomings with Dr. Miles after class. The first thing he said to me after I asked him what I had done wrong was: How did you ever get your Bachelors degree with writing like this?"
That stung--so much so that I contemplated dropping his class. If only I could have transferred to a class with a different--i.e. less demanding--instructor. But I couldnt. There were no other Advanced Composition courses being taught that semester. I had no choice but to stick it out. To this day nearly 30 years later Im glad I did.
Because I stuck out Dr. Miles back-breaking class I not only received As in all the classes I took with him but I also won first place in the colleges yearly writing competition. (I won 2nd place in the same competition a year later.)
Had I been arrogant disrespectful and contentious I never would have learned how to write better; I wouldnt have gotten As (which of course increased my GPA); and I wouldnt have won any writing contests. In other words I wouldnt have succeeded.
If the self-esteemers" dont acknowledge and correct the error of their ways--i.e. if they keep babying" and overindulging young children and young adults narcissism will doubtless grow more and more prevalent in our society.
Wherever things go from here one thing is clear: we need a lot fewer selfies" and a lot more common sense.
I dont know about you but when I was in high school in the late 70s and early 80s I absolutely dreaded having my pictures taken--i.e. I dreaded the thought of others being able to look at those pictures.
But it wasnt just school pictures that wholly unsettled me. I didnt want anyone taking pictures of me--at any time in any place. Whenever someone did point a camera in my direction I quickly turned away or ducked behind a piece of furniture or scurried out of sight. Once I held a flower arrangement in front of my face.
The fewer pictures or video clips of me the better--as far as I was concerned.
As such it never entered my head that even a few people--let alone countless numbers of people--would want to waste their time perusing photos of me regardless of whether I was absolutely stunningly beautiful or as ugly" as that proverbial mud fence." It never entered my head back then and it especially doesnt enter it now--considering the fact that Im not only over the hill but on my way down at a fairly high rate of speed.
Dont get me wrong. Im not trying to imply that because I dont like having my picture taken Im some virtuous selfless" person who doesnt think that much about herself. Indeed I do think about myself. Often. Every day in fact. Throughout the day. Until I climb into bed and fall asleep at night.
I wear makeup when I spend time with family and friends. And Im always hoping that those who happen to see me--people I dont even know from Adam--will deem me at least attractive. Further still I hope others will think me intelligent personable and witty.
Simply put I desire now--and will continue to desire--the love and affection of as many people as possible as long as I remain on this earth. Thats human nature. And though Ive grown to detest it over the decades I wont be completely free of it until I draw my final breath.
Occasionally snapping a few photos of oneself to share with others is fine. Nothing wrong with that. What completely blows my mind however is our younger generations look at me" fascination with itself. Far too many adolescents and teenagers spend far too much time snapping oodles of photos of themselves to post on all manner of social-media websites for the sole purpose of impressing vast numbers of other people who post cutesy overblown responses to those photos.
Sadly I have to admit that a few of the post-millennials" in my family took a dive into the depths of the me-me-and-more-me" swimming hole a few years back and havent come up for air since. I believe it started when they began emulating others who were already posting their facial (and otherwise) cornucopias" online.
Very recently in fact I happened to be browsing one of those post-millennials photos--and though I really enjoyed looking at some of the photos (especially the ones that included her baby) some of the others grew old" rather quickly--namely the ones shed captured of herself fully clothed and not-so-fully clothed.
Remember when we used refer to narcissists as big-headed" and conceited" and full of themselves"? Remember when we rolled our eyes at the mention of their names? Remember not wanting to spend time with them not wanting to listen to them not wanting to watch them fawn all over themselves?
My how things have changed! Todays young people not only do not dislike the narcissism they see in each other they actually encourage it.
Here are a few cut-and-pasted examples of the responses one of my nieces received regarding one of her head shots":
Everything about this picture is f#@!g perfection." Good god 😍🔥 Hottie!!! Your face just makes anything look good! 😍👌💕" Youre too perfect Uh I f#@!n love u ur like in my top 10 fav people." Omggaahhh yaassss !! 🙌😍 u look amazing!! how!!!! let me look like you!!!" Waah. Youre so pretty . . . These are so on point bby!! Obsessed 😍"
This is what weve come to.
Despite the irritation I felt clicking on these glaring examples of self-idolization I felt more and more compelled to keep clicking til I reached the end. You know it was kind of like Ive gone this far. I might as well slog through the rest of it."
There I was. On my way to the final curtain so to speak. One click at a time. Little did I realize however I wasnt going to reach that final curtain.
Heres the conversation I had with myself in so many words as I continued to view picture after picture after picture:
She looks really good there. (Click.) But why does she always have that aloof expression on her face? She looks almost angry there. (Click click.) Why does she stand in front of the mirror in so many of them? (Click click click click click click click.) Maybe this wasnt such a good idea after all. (Click click click click click click click click click.) They just keep coming. (Click click click click click click click click click.) I really dont have time for this--do I? (Click click click.) Youve got to be joking. (Click click click.) How is this even possible? (Click click click.) This cant be happening. (Click click click.) I have to stop. (Click click click.)
Hey I know! Ill start clicking through a bunch of them all at once as fast as I can. Surely I can get to the end that way.
(Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick.) Keep going.
(Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick.) Keep going.
(Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick.) Keep going.
(Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick.) And again keep going.
(Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick.) Copy that.
(Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick.) Copy that copy.
(Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick.) Moving on.
(Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick.) Moving on some more.
(Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick.) Moving on some more some more.
(Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick.) I must be getting close.
(Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick.) Maybe not.
(Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick.) Apparently not.
(Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick.) Definitely not.
(Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick.) Oh for the love of Pete! Hang it up! (Click click.) YoulI never reach the end. (Click click click click.) It isnt possible. (Click click.) You have to stop. (Click click click.) Really. You have to stop. (Click click.) No. I mean REALLY you have to stop."
Exit photos.
As annoying as it is to witness such unabashed self-adoration I cant really blame the self-adorers themselves. No. I have to lay the blame where it belongs: on those whove thought it necessary for approximately the last 20 years to assure young people that they are remarkably bright wonderfully unique and deserve utmost respect--from their elders as well as their peers.
While I have no problem with those who try to help kids and young adults develop a reasonable amount of confidence and satisfaction in ones self" likewise a respect for ones self" I do have a problem with those who push--under the guise of boosting self-esteem--an exaggerated opinion of ones own qualities or abilities."
What has resulted from this approach is nothing more or less than a plethora of arrogant disrespectful contentious I-can-do-whatever-I-want-whenever-I-want-and-you-cant-stop-me" young adults. Sooner or later these young adults are going to have to live in the real world--a world that does not tolerate such undesirable personality traits.
Truth be told its when were challenged--not coddled and flattered--that we learn and grow the most. Nothing in my life illustrates this fact better than something that happened to me while I was pursuing my Masters degree at CSU Sacramento. I was required to take an Advanced Composition course and wouldnt you know I ended up taking it from the most difficult instructor Id ever had in my life: Dr. Miles.
There I sat on the first day of class working on the writing sample Dr. Miles had assigned all of us. When we turned in our writing samples Dr. Miles read them silently to himself right then and there.
My writing sample didnt fare so well. I felt humiliated and worthless as I stared at the red-inked D" at the top of my first page. Nevertheless I decided to bite the bullet" and discuss my shortcomings with Dr. Miles after class. The first thing he said to me after I asked him what I had done wrong was: How did you ever get your Bachelors degree with writing like this?"
That stung--so much so that I contemplated dropping his class. If only I could have transferred to a class with a different--i.e. less demanding--instructor. But I couldnt. There were no other Advanced Composition courses being taught that semester. I had no choice but to stick it out. To this day nearly 30 years later Im glad I did.
Because I stuck out Dr. Miles back-breaking class I not only received As in all the classes I took with him but I also won first place in the colleges yearly writing competition. (I won 2nd place in the same competition a year later.)
Had I been arrogant disrespectful and contentious I never would have learned how to write better; I wouldnt have gotten As (which of course increased my GPA); and I wouldnt have won any writing contests. In other words I wouldnt have succeeded.
If the self-esteemers" dont acknowledge and correct the error of their ways--i.e. if they keep babying" and overindulging young children and young adults narcissism will doubtless grow more and more prevalent in our society.
Wherever things go from here one thing is clear: we need a lot fewer selfies" and a lot more common sense.