Dear French personnes
Ive been deep in thought while drinking a Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino at Starbucks and feel like I owe an apology to you people for ditching France last Sunday. I realize over 40 world leaders and as many as three million people walked in the France Unity March to show solidarity against the fatal terrorist attacks on the French satire magazine Charlie Hebdo. As you know Im the most powerful man in the world and up until the country started to go downhill under my administration the U.S. was the number one superpower. Little people have plenty of free time big people have legacies to make.
Now I did instruct a wealthy donor of mine who lives in France Jane Hartley to attend the march does that count? She raised me an impressive $500000 in 2012 so I made her an ambassador to France last fall. Some assistant secretary at the Department of State also showed up I cant recall her name a low-level official. John Kerry was in India giving an important speech on manmade global warming -er climate change is what were calling it now - but gimme some credit I did send him to France after the march because he appears kinda French. Eric Holder was already in France for a counterterrorism summit but he bungled my instructions to attend the march - I think he got distracted by a race riot on the way there. Joe Biden was too busy cleaning his shotgun.
You gotta realize there are some important criteria I consider when choosing my world vacations -er travel. Do Michelle and the kids want to visit there? Right now they are burnt out on France. Ive taken five trips to France so far as president more visits there than to any country except Mexico. Once youve been golfing at Morfontaine a few times it gets kinda old. Currently the Beyonce gang" as I call my three girls are pressuring me for a trip to the Bahamas. Isnt there some need for intervention in Nassau due to pirate attacks?
Read the rest of the article at Townhall
Dear French personnes
Ive been deep in thought while drinking a Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino at Starbucks and feel like I owe an apology to you people for ditching France last Sunday. I realize over 40 world leaders and as many as three million people walked in the France Unity March to show solidarity against the fatal terrorist attacks on the French satire magazine Charlie Hebdo. As you know Im the most powerful man in the world and up until the country started to go downhill under my administration the U.S. was the number one superpower. Little people have plenty of free time big people have legacies to make.
Now I did instruct a wealthy donor of mine who lives in France Jane Hartley to attend the march does that count? She raised me an impressive $500000 in 2012 so I made her an ambassador to France last fall. Some assistant secretary at the Department of State also showed up I cant recall her name a low-level official. John Kerry was in India giving an important speech on manmade global warming -er climate change is what were calling it now - but gimme some credit I did send him to France after the march because he appears kinda French. Eric Holder was already in France for a counterterrorism summit but he bungled my instructions to attend the march - I think he got distracted by a race riot on the way there. Joe Biden was too busy cleaning his shotgun.
You gotta realize there are some important criteria I consider when choosing my world vacations -er travel. Do Michelle and the kids want to visit there? Right now they are burnt out on France. Ive taken five trips to France so far as president more visits there than to any country except Mexico. Once youve been golfing at Morfontaine a few times it gets kinda old. Currently the Beyonce gang" as I call my three girls are pressuring me for a trip to the Bahamas. Isnt there some need for intervention in Nassau due to pirate attacks?
Read the rest of the article at Townhall