Brutal truths about “transgenderism” from a brutally honest “transgender”

WARNING: THIS ESSAY CONTAINS ADULT, SEXUALLY EXPLICIT MATERIAL AND SOME RAW, VULGAR LANGUAGE.

Almost everything we hear these days from the American and Western European establishment—the media, the governments, the corporations, the schools, the scientific and medical institutions, etcetera—almost everything they tell us is pure grade-A bullshit. But unlike the other BS they feed us—say, about Ukraine, climate change, or “racism”—there is one of their propaganda topics that I can refute based on my own personal experiences. That topic is the latest craze sweeping the Western world. That crazy little thing they call “transgenderism.”

“Transgenderism.” Well, I’m in my early 60s now, and I remember when everyone used to call it what it really is—crossdressing. And a person who did it was not “transgender,” but rather a crossdresser or a transvestite. Tranny for short.

I’ve been crossdressing since I was 13—just as the hormones and sexual impulses were kicking in. I’m not really sure why I as a teenage boy became a crossdresser, as opposed to the millions of teenage boys who do not become crossdressers. I suspect there might be some kind of genetic factors that predispose a person to this behavior, though I’m not aware of anyone else in the family who did it. But I am sure that the onset of it at the same time that my body and mind were sexualizing themselves was no coincidence.

And I do know certain other tranny-related things for a fact—now after crossdressing on and off for about half a century, after publically expressing myself as female on a part-time basis over stretches of time, after struggling with “gender identity” for many years, and after knowing several other crossdressers (or “trans” people) and talking to them about all these things. The facts that I will tell you are things that you will never hear anywhere else, because they are true. And truth about this topic—or about almost anything else these days—is not allowed to be spoken. But frankly I don’t give a damn about what’s allowed or not allowed by the fuckers in charge, so I’m going to tell you anyway, because somebody has to try to counter the BS avalanche. However, I need to first note that what I say here applies to male-to-female trans only—men who like to dress, or “identify,” as women. I have no idea what is going on in the minds of female-to-male trans, chicks who think or like to pretend they’re dudes. But then, I’ve never understood what goes on in the minds of women. I think that proves that I’m really just a regular guy!

Civil rights? Gender identity?

The first lie to put to rest is that the current transgender movement is about a civil rights issue, overcoming social discrimination, and waging a legitimate fight for peoples’ rights and freedoms. Sorry, but this trendy tranny thing of the 2020s is not comparable to the legitimate 1960s and 1970s civil rights movements, such as those for blacks and women. Blacks and women were fighting for society’s recognition that their rights are just as real as those of white men—because they are. That is true and that is reality. By comparison, “transwomen” today are fighting for what exactly? For society to recognize that they are just as much real women and really real women? They want society to be an enabler of this fantasy? That is not reality.

Nor is transgenderism about honest gender identity or truthful gender expression. Rather, it’s about a lack of self-control over one’s sexual impulses and urges, along with an expectation that the rest of society is supposed to quietly accept the public expression of those impulses and urges. Maybe today a guy might feel like putting on makeup, a dress, pantyhose, and high heels because he has an urge to feel feminine, girly, and sexy. That’s called a sexual fetish, a clothing sexual fetish. The skirt, pantyhose, and shoes sexually arouse the guy, and he gets turned on by the feel of the clothes, by looking at himself, by taking selfies, and by pretending that he’s a girl for a day. But, while he’s caught up in his sexual excitement and feminine fantasy, he also expects you to play along and call him “her” and “she,” he wants you to let him use the women’s restroom and dressing room, and he might even manage to convince himself that he really is a woman. But then, after he eventually—ahem—relieves himself, those feelings go away, because they were only temporary, pent-up sexual urges. And the next day, the guy is probably back to feeling just like a regular guy and wearing regular guy clothes, and he’ll be totally okay with you calling him “he.”

For those guys to be girls for a day—or a week or a month or a year or however long their fantasy feminine feelings last—their political advocates want the rest of us to overturn our whole society, including our thousands-year-old social norms, our vocabulary, our education system, our economic system, and even our military. That seems pretty weird, right?

Addictions, impulses, and urges

It’s even weirder when you realize that the sexual impulses of crossdressing often go hand in hand with alcohol addiction and drug addiction. That makes sense, because crossdressing is also an addiction. Excess drinking can lead to the urge to crossdress, and crossdressing can lead to the urge to drink more. It’s a self-fueling cycle of addiction.

This can all lead to a lot of psychological confusion. With many crossdressers, the impulses and urges to dress like a woman and the feelings of wanting to be female can be intensely overpowering for a period of time. Then those feelings may suddenly and totally go away for weeks or months, and then they mysteriously come back again. I’m not sure what causes these dramatic emotional swings. It might be stress, it might be boredom, it might be a generally fucked-up brain. By the way, that latter phrase is my own psychological diagnostic terminology. You won’t find it in the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

This temporary sexual impulse perspective that I’ve described here is based on reflections on my own personal experiences with crossdressing. Of course, I know that some guys suffer from even greater confusion regarding crossdressing and gender identity. The confusion of these people may persist for years as they try to live, and be socially accepted, as a woman full-time, perhaps even undergoing hormonal and surgical procedures to “transition.” These are the make-believe women who are demanding that thousands of years of civilization be overthrown and that everybody treat them like real women as they live out their confused fantasies. Most of these people are mentally messed up in major ways that the media doesn’t like to talk about. I don’t know what the precise statistics are, because—as with most scientific and medical issues today—truth is purposefully buried. However, I do know that plenty of evidence indicates that lots of these unfortunate “transitioned” people end up deeply regretting what they did to their bodies and their lives, and many of them choose to end their lives.

Tolerance versus judgmentalism

I believe that people struggling with gender confusion and crossdressing urges would definitely benefit from less societal tolerance and more societal judgmentalism. It’s about time that people felt free again to call out unacceptable weirdness and perversion, instead of quietly accepting it because they have been socially conditioned to be “tolerant.” If you see somebody doing something really stupid, wouldn’t it be better for them if you told them to stop, rather than saying nothing or, even worse, encouraging them to keep doing it?

I bring up the issue of tolerance versus judgmentalism in regard to the public sexual exhibitionism that is often inherent with crossdressing. This exhibitionism is at its most disgusting these days with the sexually charged drag shows that have suddenly become common in front of children. That is about the most outrageous shit I have ever heard of! I admit that I’ve been an exhibitionist with my crossdressing—but never in front of kids! Jeez!

My exhibitionism occurs at the adult nightclubs that I visit, as well as with some of my other adult acquaintances. For example, when I go out to a club all dolled up in a short dress, hose, heels, wig, makeup, and jewelry, get drunk, and take selfies (which I think at the time are very sexy), I often feel the need to text the selfies to certain acquaintances late at night. I’m sure that they do not welcome receiving such photos, and I know that I have no right to impose those photos on them. Nevertheless, I do it. And they usually respond too nicely, with such comments as “Looking good,” “Sexy,” or (the wisely ambiguous) “Wow.”

The following day, I always feel stupid and rude for imposing my personal, perverse addiction on them. I think I would prefer them to not be so nice. I’ve often tried to stop my crossdressing behavior, but I inevitable always go back to it, because it’s a serious type of addiction. But maybe if my acquaintances responded to my late-night club texts with “You look like shit,” “What the hell is wrong with you,” or “Sick,” that might help me stop. That might encourage me to better battle the addiction. The nice texts only serve to encourage my bad behavior.

That doesn’t mean that I want people to come and beat me up. I just want them to be honest—with themselves and with me. Nothing wrong with telling someone what you really think. Honesty is always best. Truth is always best. Both are very hard to find these days.

Gender therapy, alcohol, and sex

You might be thinking, if I really want to stop crossdressing, why don’t I get professional therapy from a gender or addiction specialist? Well, I have tried therapy, with three different professional therapists. They made my problem worse. After all, that’s their job. Keep you sick and dependent, so you stay inside their psycho-pseudo-medical system.

I saw my first therapist when I was in my late 40s. She’s the one who talked me into going out in public dressed in drag. Before that, I had done all my crossdressing in the privacy of my home. But she convinced me to start going to a local gay bar. I had never frequented bars before (I drank, like I dressed, only at home), and I was not gay, so I was not comfortable with the idea. However, she assured me that it was a great idea, because the gay bar would be welcoming to me, and I would get to express myself in public. Well, that much was true, and it felt good and liberating to be dressed like a woman in public.

Unfortunately, frequenting that gay bar really fueled my alcohol addiction, not to mention my sexual confusion. One night on the way home, while dressed in drag, I got stopped by the local cops on a DUI. They took me to jail, where the county cops made fun of me. After I insulted them back, they beat the crap out of me, leaving me with a bloody face, a fractured arm, and three broken ribs.

That ugly incident with the cops was the worst thing that ever happened to me while I was out crossdressed. But it didn’t stop me from drinking in drag, because I was now addicted to visiting bars dressed like a woman. Just like the old Monty Python lumberjack song: “I put on women’s clothing and hang around in bars.” In addition to the gay bar, I started going to other bars, usually those with sexually charged atmospheres such as Hooters and Tilted Kilt. I also enjoyed going to shopping malls, to walk around the women’s clothing departments, try things on, and buy things. So exciting! And I got professional makeovers at Sephora. Whatever made me feel feminine, sexy, and sexually excited in public, that’s what I did.

Eventually, I discovered strip clubs—regular real-women strip clubs. I found that to be the perfect combination for my perverse adult activities. In a strip club, I can be sexually aroused not only from my own crossdressing, but also from the company of the fabulously female strippers in their sexy little outfits. My female fantasies go into overdrive, and I am in my own gender-bending crossdresser ultrafemme naughty sexual paradise.

So, those were the main outcomes of seeing my first gender therapist. She opened up a whole new world of excessive drinking and sexual perversion for me. Should I thank her for that?

Anti-trans discrimination?

One thing I learned from my public crossdressing experiences is that the anti-trans “discrimination” that the media tells us about is a big lie. The only time I’ve felt that I was picked on because of the way I was dressed was when the cops beat me up. In what has now been 15 years of public crossdressing in a lower middle-class, generally conservative suburban area, I have not experienced anything else that I would call discrimination. I think that is because I have not forced myself on people, and I have shown other people respect if they did not approve of my “lifestyle.” Before I settled on going to the one particular strip club that I go to today—I don’t go anywhere else in drag anymore—I used to always phone new places before I went there. I told them that I was a crossdresser, and I asked them if I was welcomed there. Usually they said yes. If they said no, I didn’t go there. Then after I arrived at the place, I always asked somebody which restroom or dressing room they would prefer I use. Usually they told me that if I wanted to use the women’s room, I was welcomed to do so. Sometimes I was asked to use the men’s room, so I did. No fucking big deal! Show other people respect, and they will usually show you respect too.

Drenched in sexuality

Another thing I have learned from my experiences is that the crossdressing/transgender world is deeply drenched in sexuality. These are not people who simply and innocently want to be their “real selves” and be free to express their “real gender.” No. These are people, for the most part, who are living highly sexualized lifestyles. Most of the “transgenders” that I have met during the past 15 years have been sexual fetish crossdressers, trans escorts/prostitutes, or sex addicts obsessed with she-male (chick with a dick) pornography. Transgenderism and extreme sexual lifestyles and sex impulses seem to go together. That’s why I don’t hang out with them. I prefer strippers, who lead relatively wholesome all-American lifestyles!

Not real women

One blonde transsexual escort whom I met a few years ago shared an honest comment with me that I wish some blabbermouths in the public eye had the guts to make. This person was born male but went through all the hormonal and surgical processes to fully and legally transition to female. She had an artificial vagina, which she let me look at. It looked like a regular vagina to me. But she explained to me that it was not a real vagina. In fact, her body interpreted the artificial vagina as a wound, and her body’s natural defense mechanisms kept trying to heal the wound—close it up! So, she had to regularly insert some kind of device into the artificial vagina—like a dildo, I suppose—to prevent it from closing up like a Ziploc bag. She told me that she always wanted to be a woman, ever since she was a kid, but she now knows that “a transwoman can never be a real woman. Never, no matter what they tell you.” She told me to never do that to myself. She seemed like a tragically unhappy person.

The gender therapy scam

But the gender therapists will never tell you disturbing shit like that! They have to protect what I call the “gender-medical complex” (comparable to the evil and greedy military-industrial complex). The second therapist that I saw, who was rather famous in the field, kept telling me that I needed to get an orchiectomy. That means, in case you don’t know, the surgical removal of the testicles. She said that would prevent any further damage from my male hormones. After that, she said, I could consider the chopadicktomy (as Rush used to call it) and the boob job. Well, I considered all that advice for a couple weeks. Then I said to myself, fuck her, and I stopped seeing the crazy bitch.

By the way, that woman also had a daughter whom she said was a “feminization coach.” The daughter would teach me how to walk and talk and act female, for an additional fee. So, it was a family scam!

The third, and final, therapist that I saw was the nicest of them all. She did seem like a nice woman. And she didn’t advise any drastic behavioral changes or medical interventions. In fact, she advised nothing at all. All she did was let me talk. She never said or did anything—except sit there, take my money, and say “see you next week.” Totally fucking useless!

My most recent experience with the evil gender-medical complex, its money-making scams, and its “do no good” philosophy came last year. After my mind had sort of settled down for a couple years, I found myself going through a renewed period of intense confusion and lack of impulse control. I blame it on all the tranny glorification shit in the news lately. I found out that the local Planned Parenthood clinic would give me female hormones just for the asking (and the paying), without the need for any referral letter from a psychiatrist or other mental health professional. The last I had known, a few years previously, you had to have a referral letter to begin hormones. Well, not anymore. You just make the appointment over the phone or online, then you show up, and they start shooting you up with estrogen. No consultation needed. And then they give you a prescription so you can get more yourself. I had no idea! I had thought all they did was abortions.

Wow! I was really excited to start my estrogen! So, I eagerly made the appointment. Fortunately, they were so booked up with other trans patients who also wanted their estrogen, that the earliest they could fit me in was a month away. Well, by then, my unhealthy and irrational tranny sexual impulses had vanished, as they always do. So, I called back and cancelled my appointment. I chalked it up as another learning experience.

Because of all these experiences, I gave up on the idea of gender therapy or any other so-called professional expert advice. I now figure that I will eventually work things out myself in my own way and on my own terms. And with all that crap on top of the recent COVID scams, I will never trust the medical establishment again about anything! The American medical/psychiatric/drug establishment is thoroughly corrupt, greedy, profiteering, unethical, and evil. They will gladly kill you before they will ever cure you—but only after they get your money.

Dealing with confusion and pathology

Yeah, because of the gender “experts,” the media propaganda, and my own weaknesses, I was confused about my gender identity for many years, thinking I was a woman and contemplating hormonal and surgical changes. Thankfully, probably because of my maturity in age and my lifelong refusal to go along with any group-think—I’ve been able to fight off the bullshit. And I have come to realize that I’m not “transgender.” I’m just an old-fashioned crossdresser—a horny guy who gets sexually aroused from time to time by wearing women’s clothes.

Also thankfully—and amazingly—I don’t think that anything extremely bad has happened to me because of my crossdressing, other than getting beat up by cops that one time. (That was pretty damn bad.) However, my continued crossdressing has undoubtedly been associated with a worsening of my alcohol addiction and a prolonging of my psychological confusion and mental turmoil. And I have found myself in a few dangerous sexual situations that could have easily resulted in something really bad happening to me. Lots of supposedly straight guys have strange attractions to trannies. Several have even hit on old crossdresser me, and I’ve allowed myself to get into some weird sexual situations when I’ve been very drunk and made dumb choices. Thus, I consider myself lucky that I’m not totally insane, in prison, or dead.

I fully realize that my crossdressing—and so-called transgenderism—is pathological, addictive, self-destructive, and potentially very dangerous. Furthermore, now at my rather advanced age of soon-to-be senior citizen, it is just plain stupid, as well as probably gross and repulsive to some people who see me. An old man in makeup, wig, dress, and heels… give me a fucking break, man!

Despite realizing these things, I still enjoy my occasional wild crossdressing fun at that one strip club, where the girls indulge my sexual fantasies, for the cash I give them and the club, needless to say. I’m famous (infamous?) there as “Jessica.” The girls seem to enjoy spending time with me. They tell me I’m different from their other customers. Duh! They often give me stripper clothes to wear, like tiny tight dresses and garters (where strippers put their tips). In my heightened state of drunkenness and sexual excitement, I put the ridiculous clothes on and sit at the bar or walk around the club. Totally crazy shit.

I am planning to quit it all—finally and once and for all. I’m 62. It’s about goddamn time, don’t ya think? But, as with any addiction, it’s easier to say you’re gonna quit than to actually quit. I’ve got to block out all the media bullshit, because that makes things worse for me! Lies! Nothing but lies! And very harmful lies, for me and lots of other people.

Think for yourself

In summary, “transgenderism” is essentially a pathological sex addiction that is being forced upon society and that is being normalized based on lies, in order to promote the perpetual leftist agenda of societal chaos, perversion, and destruction of traditional values and traditional families. It is not only destructive for society but, like all addictions, potentially very destructive for the individuals suffering from it. But if you’re an adult and want to do that shit anyway, that’s your own business, as long as you don’t hurt anyone else. But kids should not be exposed to transgenderism and trans propaganda under any circumstances! It will mess with their little minds too much, and they’ve already got enough frightening and confusing crap that this sick decadent society has flung at them to deal with—like a culture of violence glorification, from school shootings to wars, and doomsday nonsense about the end of the world from climate change, and technology addictions that block out nature. Can’t kids be allowed to just be kids and play and have fun outside?

And for adults struggling with gender issues, please remember that it’s vitally important to think for yourself. Don’t be influenced by “experts” or by the media. Be honest with yourself. Don’t get caught up in fantasies and wishes for the impossible. And try to have some goddamn self-control over your fucking impulses!

As sick as you can get

All that said, I do acknowledge that there may be a few trans individuals who are legitimately and genuinely transsexual—meaning that they really do have the mind, heart, and soul of one gender but are “trapped” in the body of the other gender. That is a real, though rare, phenomenon. Those individuals, when adults, might benefit from hormonal and surgical transitions. That’s up to them to pursue and deal with. I wish them well as they try to think clearly and figure it all out.

But I’m not one of those transsexual individuals. And based on my 50 years of living and studying this issue, most other people dealing with gender or crossdressing issues are not among those genuinely transsexual individuals either. So, for the relatively tiny number of genuine transsexuals out there, I don’t think we should be turning all of our society upside down the way we are today, exposing kids to blatant perversity and normalizing such perversity throughout the society. Hey, I thought I was sick, but totally transforming society for the benefit of a few trannies and forcing everyone else to live with it is about as sick as you can get!
 
Jessica by N/A is licensed under N/A N/A